How To Make Time For Yourself Even In The Most Chaotic Life
On Monday night, a few of us were talking about the battles and barriers we face when it comes to making time for ourselves.
We live jam-packed lives.
With careers that are so often all-consuming, and always seem to be demanding more, more, more hours.
Commitments like picking up the kids from here, there and everywhere. Dropping off your friend’s prescription. Taking the dog to the vets. Dating or committing time and energy to your partner. Seeing friends and loved ones. Travelling half way across the country to your auntie’s house for a family barbeque. Baby Showers. Hen weekends. Going to the hairdressers.
And that’s not even taking into account the regular to-do’s each week like … the food shop, picking up petrol, the never-ending stream of laundry, keeping the house clean and straight (ish), walking the dog, the ironing, filling and emptying the dishwasher… phew! The list goes on.
And then with whatever time is left we also want to create precious moments with family, friends, your bestie, the new guy your dating (or old one!), and your cat.
Trying to squeeze in time for yourself to do anything that doesn’t involve crashing and dozing on the couch can feel impossible.
Where do you find the energy?!? It’s exhausting. All you want to do when you get in from work, is get in your pjs and eat your dinner, watching whatever new drama is on the telly.
I get it.
It’s tough to get that balance.
Particularly the demanding work bit. I’ve personally found that bit the hardest to switch off.
Many moons ago, when I was at university it felt like I was living an immensely busy and chaotic life. I was at uni full time, and also worked in the Boots head office as an Assistant Buyer full time too. I organised my lectures and seminars to run for 3 weeks solid of 9-6pm, once every term. And all my exams, exam prep, essays, assignments and dissertations I did in my evenings and weekends around my work life.
To say I found it stressful was an understatement.
I often worked til 6pm or 7pm (and later if we had a busy project going on). Which meant by the time I got home and had my tea, it was getting on well into the evening. Picking up my books and writing assignments often felt like the last thing I wanted to do.
Pretty much every night, I’d study into the wee hours. Then be back up and out by 7 or 8am.
After about 7 months at this intensity, the cracks were starting to show. I missed my family. I felt like I had no fun in my life. I was hitting burnout. (Looking back, frankly I’m surprised I made it that long!).
I finally hit breaking point, and in a blub of tears and snot. I took a few days off and dragged myself on to the train back to my mum and dads house.
I remember so clearly the pressure I felt about “wasting” time. Any “spare” time, I felt I had to be studying or working or being productive in some way.
Our society and culture often promotes the work-a-holic lifestyle, with side-hustles and always being on the go and doing, doing, doing.
I grew this huge complex about relaxing, letting my hair down and switching off.
On the train home, I sat at a table seat, reading a textbook about accountancy. Couldn’t “waste” those precious 2 hours of the journey home!
When the train stopped, I woke up, face-planting the textbook, pen still poised in hand.
Lifting my head, I had a string of saliva between my book and my lip (glamorous!). I peered round the carriage (of course it was full) to see a lot of sympathetic faces glaring back at me.
During my “nap”, I’d missed my stop too. Which meant I had to get off at the next station to then switch trains and go back again. Fearing I’d see a ticket inspector in case he didn’t believe me and I’d get whacked with a fine I definitely could not afford on my student income. And feeling guilty that I’d kept my dad waiting at the station for 40 minutes.
When I finally arrived at Burton station, dad was there with open arms, not quite ready for the emotional wreck I’d become since I’d last seen him. Once home, mum and dad sat me down, worried about how thin I was, how colourless my skin had become, asking things like “are you eating properly, Becky?”
Seeing how worried they were, and feeling as deflated as I did. I knew then I needed to make changes. I couldn’t go on like this.
It was at this trip home that my mum told me the “cup story”. It was the first time I’d heard it, but I’ve heard it many times since.
She says, imagine your energy, your love, your life is water in a cup. And you want to help people and give your best and by doing so you’re giving some of your water to others (aka your energy, your love and your life). And this is amazing and wonderful, but the shadow side is it can start to diminish your supply.
If you don’t focus on refilling that cup back up, soon enough you’ll be left with no energy, no love and no life. You feel you’ve hit rock bottom. Literally drained and empty.
She demonstrated this with actually cups too – with each cup I was pouring my water into, representing all my commitments in my life. She’s so cute, love her!
I asked her, how can I fill my cup back up?
She said, you fill it back up with anything that brings you joy and that gives you energy.
How you do that is unique to you.
For mum it’s reading or taking a bath, or something quiet that makes her feel calm and relaxed. For my dad, he likes to be creative, so he finds joy in painting, in stone masonry, or for going on a long walks in the countryside with the dog.
After this conversation, some 10+ years ago now, I still continuously check-in with myself about how full or empty my cup is. And think about ways to add into my week that give me joy, energises me, and fills me back up.
Sometimes I still hit the question of “how on earth do I find the time to do it?” But I’ve learnt, that if I don’t make the time. It comes at a big cost. To me, to how I show up to teach at the studio, how I am with the other lovely instructors, to my family, my friends, my partner.
I reframed the narrative in my head: Being depleted, is living a life half-lived.
You are important. You bring joy and inspiration and laughter and intelligence and charisma and happiness to so many. Just by being your wonderful, awesome self.
Remember to re-energise.
Take a moment now to think about what fills you with joy. What gives you energy?
And make a decision, right now, to make more time for yourself to do that.
Leave work on time (or early if you can!), say no to things you don’t want to do, and say yes to things you do. The power is within you. You’ve totally got this.
If you could carve out a day, a couple of hours, 15minutes… How could you enjoy it? What can you do more of that fills you up, and makes you feel alive? What makes you feel like you?
Make the time. Because you are SO worth it!
Of course, you know the thing that fills me up with energy – POLE!!! Oh yes! I love it.
I also love yoga, aerial-yoga and meditation. (Which is why we offer these things regularly in the studio!).
Other things I carve out time for, that are now non-negotiable, they have to be in my life, include:
reading (or listening to a book on audible) - I often do this en route to and from the studio.
being in nature. Bonus if it’s by water!
pamper time – this is things like giving myself a facial or having a face mask on, doing a full body scrub and moisturise, painting my nails, going on spa days (my fave!).
oracle cards.
retreats.
spending time just ‘being’. The focus is on enjoying the present moment. Not thinking about ‘doing’ anything at all. This one I found so hard at first, practice definitely makes perfect.
I’d love to know what insight you’re taking away from this. Do you feel inspired to carve out time for yourself? Is your cup empty or full today? How could you enjoy your time that energises you and fills up you? Get in touch by emailing us at hello@bbstudio.london .
